In a reflective piece that has resonated widely, Dr. Samuel N. Jacobs-Abbey explores the quiet lessons hidden in painful relationships and difficult encounters. His message is simple but profound: not everyone who enters your life is meant to stay—some arrive only to show you what you must never settle for again.
According to Dr. Jacobs-Abbey, certain individuals serve as “warnings written in flesh and time.” They may come with promises, affection, or charisma, but their true purpose becomes clear only when their actions reveal what diminishes, confines, or disrespects you. The real gift, he suggests, is not their presence but the clarity their absence eventually brings.
He argues that betrayal, disappointment, and emotional neglect serve as unexpected teachers, pointing us away from harmful patterns and toward healthier standards. “Every person who showed you their smallness,” he writes, “was actually showing you the vastness you deserve.” Rather than breaking us, these experiences awaken us to our own worth.
Dr. Jacobs-Abbey emphasizes that relationships that left people feeling unseen or unworthy often create the space needed for stronger, more affirming connections. A love that demands constant apology or self-shrinking, he notes, is not love at all—it is a lesson.
He encourages readers not to dwell on past hurts or replay moments of failure, but instead to see those individuals as catalysts for growth. Their inconsistency may teach the value of care; their absence may highlight the power of genuine presence; and their betrayal may push us toward establishing firmer boundaries.
“The universe does not make mistakes,” Dr. Jacobs-Abbey asserts, suggesting that painful experiences often carry the messages we most need to hear. Pain, he argues, can be a teacher loud enough to break through illusions and force a reevaluation of one’s worth.
With awareness comes resolve. Dr. Jacobs-Abbey insists that once someone understands their value, they must no longer accept “crumbs,” silence their truth, or twist themselves to fit someone else’s comfort. Elevated standards, he explains, are not barriers but pathways to a fuller and more authentic life.
His closing message is one of release and renewal: those who taught difficult lessons have served their purpose. Through gratitude and closure, individuals can move forward with clarity and confidence.
“Your standards,” he concludes, “are bridges to the life you were always meant to live.”
The piece serves as both a reminder and an encouragement—one that invites readers to walk forward with higher expectations and a deeper sense of self-worth.